The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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