In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
