she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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