he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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