Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
