Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize