He uses pillows to masturbate.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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