I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
