I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize