I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
