hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
