I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
