I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ketchup is God's man juice
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
