in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
