So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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