I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
