im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this will be a night to untag.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
