I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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