Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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