There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
In other news, I just burned my penis
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
