clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
