after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I deserve this hangover.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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