his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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