Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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