Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
