i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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