piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
