How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
