So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish you could order shots online.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
