I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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