it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
