Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
