the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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