Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
