I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
