Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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