She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
