I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
