Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
