The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
