Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
