i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
