I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
