There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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