College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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