you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
