I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
