so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
