I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
