I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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