I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
