Plan B is the new Plan A
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize