Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We have started to decorate penises.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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