Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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