True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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