I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
