oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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