if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He? As in you personified your dick?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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