Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
