My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
