no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize