Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Your tits are I can't wait for
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize