gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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