I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
