You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
