She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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