I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
