i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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