life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
