I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
