You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
