I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
