I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
