So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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