We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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