Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
