I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
