I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
