:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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